I want a Jewish family, but my conversion is Reform, so I can't find a Jewish spouse. Most of our synagogue are women and girls. We are the only Reform community in the city. I'm verbally abused when I try to get aquantence with even a secular Jew. My goal is not complain but the solving of this problem, but I don't know how to do this.
Who are you verbally abused by?? Heart breaking to hear <3
I'm not sure if you're open to online dating, but Jdate . com is for Jewish singles. Sadly most Jews these days are not affiliated with a shul, but still identify as Jewish and are looking to meet someone.
I have a friend from grad school who after lots of unsuccessful dating of various women, many of them non-Jews, was really getting anxious to find a wife by the time he was into his late 30's. He finally found his wife through J-Date. She is somewhat younger than he is and was from South America, so it started as a long distance courtship that progressed to some trips, and it meant having to deal with Immigration Authorities. When I last met with the two of them they were obviously very much in love even if they originally met online which doesn't sound romantic. They have been very happy together and I seem to remember that they have two children now (my husband knew him better and and is the one who has kept in touch with our friend). My friend was Reform and his wife was Masorti, I think.
So Elle's suggestion is a good one if you are serious enough to possibly even have one partner relocate if there is a match.
Post by greenrosereverie on Jan 7, 2014 10:28:28 GMT -5
Jdate and be upfront about the situation in your profile. I had a conservative conversion and whether I like it or not, it means that for purposes of marriage, the Rabbinate has issues with the way I converted.
For many I'm too Jewish, because I am Shabbat and holiday observant. For others, I am not now, nor will I ever be Jewish enough, especially for their parents. The fastest way to select out those for whom either would be an issue, is to be honest and upfront about it. I don't currently have it in my profile, but it does tend to lead to messages ending on OKCupid rather quickly whenever I meet someone else who is also observant.
Greenrosereverie...What does it mean when messages end on "OKCupid"?
The person stops responding. At this point though, I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I will end up doing an orthodox conversion because the young adults my age who are observant tend to be either Rabbinical students or Orthodox.
You will also find observant "conservadox" young people in "independent minyanim" which often choose to avoid denominational labels. Some of them have mixed seating and full participation of women and some have a mechitza (or "tri-chitza" with both separate and mixed seating) and more limited roles for women. Those kinds of groups are where many of the 20-something former "kids" of my lay-led minyan have chosen to daven. My minyan was established more than 30 years ago, but it was an "independent minyan" ahead of its time rather than the more typical less traditional "chavurot" of the 70's. One of those minyan kids calls herself "post-denominational". She attended a Conservative K-8 school followed by a Modern Orthodox high school, as a number of the kids from my minyan have, although fewer minyan kids attend the Orthodox high school since the Conservative high school was established. As that educational background indicates, my minyan is kind of in between what is typical Conservative and Modern Orthodox. So far the only "kid" from my minyan who has become a rabbi actually got his semicha from RIETS at YU and so is an Orthodox rabbi.
Anyway, observant non-Orthodox communities do exist, but they are a small niche and there may not be any in your area. Also, most of them are not multi-generational and lack the stability of more typical observant Jewish communities.
Before committing to an Orthodox conversion and a specific Orthodox community, be sure to find out how accepting they are of converts. Will you be accepted socially and will you be considered suitable to marry into the community with any eligible man, not just another convert? And if you are not interested in marriage, will that marginalize you socially?
Post by greenrosereverie on Apr 3, 2014 10:48:25 GMT -5
Within my area, the kids I know who are observant tend to go to Orthodox shuls, even if they don't completely agree. For me, going to Purim in Israel with a very modern Orthodox community was enlightening, because for the first time I experienced the cloth mechitza. Separate seating doesn't bother me as I can daven reasonably well on my own, although I dislike when I can't see and when kol isha becomes an issue.
As for finding someone post-conversion, I have several friends at Yeshiva at the moment so I'm not too worried because I'm already meeting people affiliated along those lines.
I have heard people say that orthodox do not accept converts - it's nonesense and the emes is the more frum the kehilla generally the more accepting. YOu need a shidduch with someone which is RIGHT for you - that means in life experience and someone you can relate to. That is unllikely to be a frum from birth satmar guy that barely speaks you language and can't relate to your life experiences. although I have heard of it happenign once.
don't be focused on "oh now i will be stuck with shidduchim with baalei teshuva and gairim" - who better will understand you and all yoru life experiences?? but you wont be limited because G-d already knows who is going to be the lucky one!
good luck! follow the emes!
Last Edit: Jan 26, 2015 14:06:12 GMT -5 by shea: i hit "post" too early ....!